Received a message from Dad at 9.05pm that Flower was not moving & had shallow breathing.
Definitely bad news if he's referring to the same grey bundle who wont stop hopping until he got his favourite grass pellets. Ultra bad news, considering how I've never seen Flower at sleep before. Rest, yes but not sleep.

There I am, sick & nauseous with worry AND stuck on the bloody slow bus, while the D & S in me try to reason & comfort the C. Tears still flow, damn it. Frantic calls & clutching not 1 but 3 vet contacts later, I rushed home, still praying hard & hoping that it's just my overactive imagination.

So nothing prepared me for the sight of his carcass at 10.01pm just now. Absolutely nothing. Resting on one side, head bent back, chest bloated and his eyes were still OPEN, damn it. I just stood there in shock while my parents cleared Flower's remains... And that was the only time the tears stopped flowing. I turned away when Dad moved his body...

Is it the orchid plant he attacked a week back? Had there been an accumulation of poisons in his body? Is it the plastic bag it nibbled on in its impatience to get to the hay? Is it the food? Is it the water?

If I had just stop at any bus-stop & grabbed a cab, would it have made any difference?
I don't know. I don't know if I can forgive myself if I know the answer.

Hey buddy, have fun in Bunny Heaven. Say hi to Zac if you see him. That's the dog that'll lick you in your face.

I wish I could have cuddled you one more time...

Revelation

If you can't handle the inevitable emotional trauma of losing your beloved pet, don't get one. Like how I'm never getting another one.

So tired, why are so many things happening at one time?