In YIH now... been nuaing/studying here for the past few days instead of going home str8...

Ok so I haven exactly been a grt grl... but it's not all that fantabulous to be trapped in this kinda situation... dun noe wat the **** I'm talking abt? Nvm. I'm just ranting. It doesn't need to mean anything. It's my blog anyway.

Remember? Those "getting to know u" periods?
We hung out, chillin' ard
& one day, u decided that u shd subscribe to some pastor's notion of love.
Treat me like a normal fren, flirt w every other grl.
I get the fucking hint.
But if u had bothered to take a backward glance, u'd have seen a grl standing
Baffled expression... & u wonder why...

All those little hugs
All the cuddles
All the smiles
All the little talks we had
All the super-obvious hints abt some longterm matters
All the funny stuff we shared
It's all so empty now.

Those little kisses
I guess they're just greetings
Those handholding
I guess u just wanted someone to hold ur hand
And all that intimacy
I guess u just miss that w her.
Yes, her.
Your ex who'd shared half a decade of her life w u.
& who's prob now so pissed-mad w u, u guys cant even talk decently to each other.
& oh wow, did I just implied that u might actually have a rebound???

I know I sound harsh.
But it makes so much sense, I'm starting to believe it.
That, or u're like the kid who cant keep his hands away from the sweet that he knows doesnt belong to him & hey since no one claimed it, it's HIS. & one who happens to be childish, late, ignorant of the feelings of ppl who care for him, but, ironically, loves God.

Feeling rejected... again
Guess nobody loves me
Self pity U say?
Probably.
Pathetic eh?
Yeah, totally.
Hate this kinda me.
Hate this kinda haunting feeling.
Y must I make myself so vulnerable to such crap, I dun noe.
If only I can slap myself awake.
But everyone knows physical pain is nothing compared to emotional.

But hey guess wat? I'm getting better @ numbing myself to this kinda shit.
Really.
I'll find that one guy & he'll find me too... when we're BOTH ready.
I'd just eliminated another one from the list.
5 down, hundreds out in the ocean to go.
Best part is I'll just let God & Fate throw us together.
I mean how cool is that?

God can u hear my prayers?
Take away all these nonsense pls?
Please?
I hate this shitty feeling.

sighz
I hate this kinda shit.
Cos it distracts me away from You & my other commitments
I want to know more abt u.
More abt Your Word.
More so on what it is like to be in Your love.

I just want to permanently forget abt him or rather, how it's like to feel for him.
What's so difficult abt that?