Overwhelmed

If I dun go for cgm, I'm incuring the wrath of YingYing & Melvin.

"Oh y cant u make it?" "Y like this leh?" "Then how like that?" "Y u sound so pissed off?"
(mind u, I'm rushing my revision in an extremely, inhumanely cold science library so if I dun have time to sms smily-faces lah, explain grand-mother story lah, pls pardon me HOR...)

AND finally,

"Jean you HAVE to go for cell group." Courtesy of Melvin.
.
.
.
& I'm not quite sure if God understands either.

It's not like I wont go for makeup cell. Much much prefer to join my cell group but like that's possible.... Haiz...
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So far spent like dun-noe-how-much for Jade, Qiuyan, Liying, Sharon, ZY, Weiling, Mel's bdae presents... That's like approx. a freaking $100 gone... & I'm starving myself for:

1. Cell group fund (kns I haven pay my tithe oso)
2. Necessities for sch *argh*!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & I've no time for more tuition assignments much as I need the extra income.
3. MORE 21st bdae presents. Enuff said.

Oei, whoever's paying us for doing duty... KAH GIN AH!!!! *grumble grumble*

So now I'm bitching here, stomach growling, still attempting to bia for my org syn test tml... & I'm feeling guilty for not going to cell group again. Naturally, I cant join Mel they all for dinner cos I rather cgm & anyway, dinner costs a freaking $30++ pax... Sooo needed the spiritual refuelling man.
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On top of all this shit, tml still got test.

kns

K gtg.

Later.

Love this pic Gerard sent over... Think it's from some website or something.
A rojak of my fave colours & shades =)

ASDF as well as the entire last row of alphabets from my keyboard have SOOO faded away. The ultimate test is to type with ALL the alphabets gone *yeah I'll take a pic of that* Mei commented that whoever's using my keyboard will take a freaking long time to type.

Just imagine~~
PseudoBimboFren: *twirling her dyed ah-lian curls* JeeEEEeeeAaN!!! *whine whine* Where is "B"??? *pout* I cant spell "boobs"... *twirl her hair somemore* *whine somemore* *pout somemore*

Since Jean can type at a relatively fast pace and a bimbo cannot type at a faster rate than her, therefore Jean is not a bimbo after all. Yeay PH2110 Logic "you3 jiu4 le4"

This leaves me w revision for CM3221: Organic Chem and GEK2501: Understanding your Medications. *groan*

OOOH... I watched Raising Helen yesterday... part 1 of 2 anyway, courtesy of www.TMDmovies.com hahaha *yesh I noe I'm supposed to be studying for my CM3221 test this Friday*
Abt this frisky young woman (Kate Hudson *love her*) working in the fashion industry *man I'd love to work there... all the bustle... U'll NEVER get bored man... * when her life got turned ard following the sudden death of her closer sister & bro-in-law *the other sister's a real bitch. gawd.* Caring for her 3 nieces & nephew full-time got her sacked, made her grow up alittle, made a pastor fall in love w her... blah blah... to be continued (if I remember)

Somehow, what w going for services by Pastor Kong (who's humourous, passionate abt Jesus and God, & loving to Pastor Sun *awww*) & that good-looking pastor in Raising Helen, I kinda FINALLY get the drift that pastors are human beings as well HAHAHA!!!
Silly I noe but if EVER anyone of my brothers ask me out on a date, I'll so freak out... & I'm refering to the brothers in CHC, not N182 per se duh. Imagine when u go out w them & their Holy Spirit spoke to them "Watch out!!! She's evil!!!" Okok drama mama again.

But yeah, it'll be nice to meet someone who's all for God, someone who'll help guide me along & answer my queries abt Him & His Words AND oso like/love me. Demanding eh?

But yeah yeah, 1st thing 1st. Gotta work on that faith. K gtg study & pray later.

Later.

So stoned today... But I rather this than feeling that emotional instability I had for the past few days. Really. *yawn*

It's only NOW that I realise I rely so much on God... Trusting in one person is so unpredictable. Counting on someone to be there when u really need him is worse. Trying to be independent... yet relying on God. Yupz still trying to attain that.

Yawn... crapping away again. Ignore me.

Later.

StrawBerry MilkShake BlueBerry Pie~!~!
StrawBerry MilkShake BlueBerry Pie~!~!

Haha... Kinda missing camp =P

Cant help thinking abt wat he told me... U noe how sometimes u have a song stuck in your head? Sometimes it irritates the hell outta u but sometimes it's just like a presence that occupies ur mind... untimely but cant really be helped.

Things kinda got started when we were talking abt how his shortest relationship is even longer than my longest relationship...

Guy: *twirling ard in his seat, anticipating some kinda reaction from me* U noe, to this date, my mum still doesnt know this... When I first slept with a girl, we were both underaged...

Me: *momentarily stunned* Oh..... ok..... who was she?

Guy: *reminiscing look on his face w a twinge of regret* My first grlfren... during sec 2... Wah I really regretted doing it... The dumb things I do in Secondary sch that time... Haiz...

Me: *still stunned* Ok... But the flesh is weak. We're all born sinners. It's not like u dun noe that.

Guy: Yah, but that's no excuse for doing what I did.

Me: I know but wait; one question. I remember u saying all that how u cant accept a grl not being a virgin & stuff... But when u were young, u had... nvm. Anyway I thot u had a problem w grls like that?

Guy: People make mistakes. I make mistakes too... I mean so long as she's not doing it anymore, then I'm cool with that lah.

Is this what he meant by how he's afraid I'll be disappointed if I know he's actually not that perfect after all?

Guess we're both on par, dude... guess we're on par.

Sheesh... It's StrawBerry SHORTCAKE, not that famed StrawBerry Milkshake in NUS... pui pui

Tudung Dog~!~! Awwwww... Issnt it cute??? Courtesy of Ange JieMei's lens-cloth & plush toy-dog... It's like so darn cute & hilarious I was giggling & convulsing in my seat, w Mel looking on worriedly... BWAHAHAHAH!!!!! So CUTE!!!

Stayed overnite @ YIH to rush my report. I'm so gonna get it done by tml man... Damn organic compounds.

Anyway, Excited.state accompanied me frm abt 12am onwards. Nothing happened, which is grt. & nothing stirred inside me... which is even better. So I can safely conclude that I'm mended now yeah =)

Dun really know y he cared to share w me abt it but he told me something that he did wrong which I did too, something we both regret but in his case, it's a bigger screwup... a bigger sin, shd I say? So we're all human. Christians sin @ that level too. & I was shocked. Wait, stunned's more the word. & he's been thru that TWICE... & I thot he's so obsessed w that whole ******* issue.

So I figured y hide & shared w him too. Kinda explained y I didnt tell him b4, what w the "we're kinda together" thingy last time. & he was like, it's ok, he rather I be honest w him abt it than try to hide it. Which is true. Dun see the whole point of hiding. Got nothin' to hide.

Guess I really dun noe him well enough to realise that he's not that petty, selfish & unreasonable abt this whole issue. We all sin @ some time or other... & yes, I noe it's no excuse still.

Ok onward to being a more faithful, more fruitful Christian living her life for God.
I'm so gonna get my act together this sem, be happy, think smart, act blur(suggested by Qi-Ge). As for men... well... not at the moment. Got more impt priorities to set right.

All of a sudden, I feel so much at ease w myself. None of that self-deprecating crap like that last entry, none of that insecurity, none of that unhappiness. Yearnings will pass, joy will take its place. Man I'm good at this "moving on" thing =P

Ok World, here I come!~!~!

In YIH now... been nuaing/studying here for the past few days instead of going home str8...

Ok so I haven exactly been a grt grl... but it's not all that fantabulous to be trapped in this kinda situation... dun noe wat the **** I'm talking abt? Nvm. I'm just ranting. It doesn't need to mean anything. It's my blog anyway.

Remember? Those "getting to know u" periods?
We hung out, chillin' ard
& one day, u decided that u shd subscribe to some pastor's notion of love.
Treat me like a normal fren, flirt w every other grl.
I get the fucking hint.
But if u had bothered to take a backward glance, u'd have seen a grl standing
Baffled expression... & u wonder why...

All those little hugs
All the cuddles
All the smiles
All the little talks we had
All the super-obvious hints abt some longterm matters
All the funny stuff we shared
It's all so empty now.

Those little kisses
I guess they're just greetings
Those handholding
I guess u just wanted someone to hold ur hand
And all that intimacy
I guess u just miss that w her.
Yes, her.
Your ex who'd shared half a decade of her life w u.
& who's prob now so pissed-mad w u, u guys cant even talk decently to each other.
& oh wow, did I just implied that u might actually have a rebound???

I know I sound harsh.
But it makes so much sense, I'm starting to believe it.
That, or u're like the kid who cant keep his hands away from the sweet that he knows doesnt belong to him & hey since no one claimed it, it's HIS. & one who happens to be childish, late, ignorant of the feelings of ppl who care for him, but, ironically, loves God.

Feeling rejected... again
Guess nobody loves me
Self pity U say?
Probably.
Pathetic eh?
Yeah, totally.
Hate this kinda me.
Hate this kinda haunting feeling.
Y must I make myself so vulnerable to such crap, I dun noe.
If only I can slap myself awake.
But everyone knows physical pain is nothing compared to emotional.

But hey guess wat? I'm getting better @ numbing myself to this kinda shit.
Really.
I'll find that one guy & he'll find me too... when we're BOTH ready.
I'd just eliminated another one from the list.
5 down, hundreds out in the ocean to go.
Best part is I'll just let God & Fate throw us together.
I mean how cool is that?

God can u hear my prayers?
Take away all these nonsense pls?
Please?
I hate this shitty feeling.

sighz
I hate this kinda shit.
Cos it distracts me away from You & my other commitments
I want to know more abt u.
More abt Your Word.
More so on what it is like to be in Your love.

I just want to permanently forget abt him or rather, how it's like to feel for him.
What's so difficult abt that?