Ok I’ve been pretty MIA the past few weeks. Somehow the Internet was down & I cant photoblog & blah blah blah… dragged on til today. Anyway just feel like talking… & yes, abt Fellowship.
 
U noe how u, unless u’re Miss/Mr Congeniality, just cant connect w some ppl no matter how hard u try? (Then again I may not be trying hard enuff) Hanging out w this bunch of new frens is… I dun noe, weird. I go to church for praises & worship, to try to find God’s purpose for me in life, to learn more abt Him & His words, something I really want to know. Same thing for cgm. I give $$$ not as some charitable act, more like a sacrifice, cos I know a lot can come from that little bit I give every week. I dun feel silly or stupid talking to someone who’s not physically there for me to see, hear or feel. I don’t feel THAT pressurized cos of the fact that I cant speak in tongues thou everyone ard me can during service & cgm (I’m STILL praying for the presence of the Holy Spirit) & God’s always there for me, I know. Surrendering isnt easy at all for someone as stubborn as me but hey, I’ve nvr looked back.
 
With all these comes Fellowship, sorta like a family whom u grow spiritually with? For me, it’s still ultimately connecting with ppl whom u care abt, pray for & yah, worry for. Right now, I can honestly say that I cant bring myself to care for them, much less the other 2. I can pray for them, like how I pray for other non-Christians/unchurched ppl when saying Grace even, or at night b4 I sleep. Think there’s a barrier to me not being able to connect to them on a “frens” level… prob cos I’m more comfortable with making genuine frens FIRST, frens who wont discriminate me for who I am, rather than jump in straight & “Hey! Hi! Yah I’m the fren Jo brought to church! Yah I think I’m going for service next week, yah… see ya!” But somehow, I dun feel like they’re seeing me as just another fren. More like another soul they want to save… which is ultimately what every Christian hopes for—saving of more souls. Spreading of the gospel & more... at least at CHC =P
 
I’m not saying that they’re not gonna care abt me when I’m incorporated into the group, no. I’m not trying to give any negative intonations abt this cell group, waaay no. So… y am I still feeling this way abt these group of ppl who have been praying for me everyday for as long as I can remember? I really appreciate their constant praying for my family to ease off on the persecution. It worked. There’re ppl out there who’re dealing with shit ( & I really mean crap) so I’m really grateful that I’m not. Prob it’s just me. Prob one day, I’ll see & understand the significance & importance of gathering for one hour after every cgm for Fellowship (it still irks me that my mum is worrying abt me while I’m there eating with them...) Prob one day, I wont complain like how I’m complaining now.
 
Ok NOW that I’ve gotten this out of my system, it’s time I go read the gospels. & study my notes. & pray for more fire to come into my spiritual life, understanding of God’s words & to have an open mind.
 
TTFN. Later.