Went down this morning to see Grandpa again b4 they cover him up
They've taken down the stands, the metal chair where they prop up his silk shirt, pants & photo, & replace it w a stack of plastic ones
Looked at him for a few times... then went again to take another look
& another... this time it's for the last time.
Others followed too, some crying, all in little groups, all talking to Grandpa.
Telling him to relay any msgs to them in their dreams if he's lacking anything.
Mum cried so hard, Dad shedding few tears, as usual.

All red-eyed, we got ready for the ceremony; white & black/blue, white socks, no shoes, coloured badges on the left sleeve. White for daughters, red + white for their husbands, blue + red for their children. White + brown for sons & daughters-in-law, blue for their children.

The music started, u noe the kind that they always play during progressions? The extremely loud one? Grandma cried so hard & loudly, we all heard her wailings above the sounds. It's so heart-wrenching... seeing an old lady grieve for her husband. (Someone finally drove her home to Charlton Park where she's supposed to wait for us there.) Mum & I cried when we hear it too. U cant help but dread wat's coming next.

Ceremony started at 12.15 sharp. 1st time see Dad cry as we all walked single-file around Grandpa. They told us to turn away as they're covering the coffin. Heard DaGuMa, ErGuMa, GanMa & Dad weeping. Feel so xin ku for them.
All 3 sons pushed the van after the coffin's loaded into it. I heard Dad cry again.
Boarded the bus to Charlton Park. Walked around Grandpa's house once, boarded the bus again for Mount Vernon.

Entered the crematorium. Hall One. Walked around the coffin again, noticing this red curtain, knowing wat's gonna happen behind it. Dreading it. & as the friends & other relatives offered their final prayings, I noticed all 3 daughters & Mum at the coffin, weeping away.

The immediate feeling of gloom was intense. Started crying again. As the coffin's wheeled into the room behind the curtains, we hurried into the "viewing room". When the coffin's in sight, everyone started calling out for Grandpa. Everyone started crying. & when the coffin was raised & pushed into the cremating chute, all my aunties & uncles all fell on their knees, crying their hearts out.
Cause it's only then, did it hit on u that u've lost this dear person forever. Much as I feel the sense of loss, at that point of time, I cant help worrying for Dad. My maternal grandma even came into the room to help comfort him, it's that bad. & when everyone came out again into Hall One, my dad was still crying his heart out. Looked at the place where the coffin was a few minutes ago & cried even harder.
Went back to Charlton Park for final round of prayers. Looked around & got reminded that Grandpa's really gone. Cried again, turning away from Grandma so she wont notice & weep again.

We're gonna collect Grandpa's ashes tml 2pm at Mount Vernon. Now, I'm waiting for 7pm to come so I may feel Grandpa's presence when he comes back.

Later.