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Saturday, February 28, 2004 2:58 pm
SINGLEHOOD ROCKS!!!!

Feels great
to know u're independent
to know u're not asking for more
to know that u're REALLY happy
that u dont need anyone to improve your life
(or at least not now I guess =P)

What bliss...

Ohhh just remembered something: Ernest asked me if I've found the One & I told him STRAIGHT away NO. haha... Oh & that same nite, we saw his ex's best fren. Apparently at ECP that nite, he met up w his ex for dinner. & they ended up quarreling. & she was like "So I'm not gonna see u holding hands w another grl a few mths later riiiiiiiiite?" & he was like "Noooo...."
Like I dont think he'll need to explain anything or say such things to pacify her or wat (ok if he's really sure he's not, then fine- thing is, he IS holding hands w me wat!!!) unless he's damn sure lor. It's like... well, then again I have nothing to hide, so I wont lie. Of course lah I'll think twice b4 speaking but this is like... well, let's just say I got a glimpse of how he & his ex's mindsets are like.

(His ex oso one weird grl lah- y ask such a question if u think he's gonna lie anyway? If u think u're prob not gonna like the ans, then fine! DONT ASK! Wat for when u cant accept either ans... ) But yeah, b4 I went on & on, I cut myself short & said "oh well, this's me. & then that's your ex. So yeah, we're all entitled to wat we wanna ask & how we think." Period. End of discussion. Move on to next topic =P

This kinda reminds me abt Marcus's female frens. Y are these ppl so childish I dont get them... 24 liao still like that... Haiz... Will I be like them when I turn 20+++?
Friday, February 27, 2004 10:19 pm
Angel
You are... WAIT! - you're none of the Sins you're
an Angel!
Perfect, or close enough, and annoyingly so! Did
you always
behave so 'just right'. ARGHHH . You can annoy the
hell outta
people with your attitude, but no doubt your church
is real happy
with you. The positive side certainly outweighs the
negative,
after all, you do chores, are smart, are cute, do
charity work.
Least you know what a perfect saint you are. You
just make the rest
of us sinners vomit. Perhaps you could break the
rules once in a while, go wild - Eat an extra
cookie or something.
However - congratulations on being the most pure,
of the entire human race.


?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, February 26, 2004 10:36 pm
oooh man... check out the difference in me after 20mins.

Chose the answers that fitted me as perfectly as I think they do. & I got ANGELIC . Ok. Fine. I hate to think badly of anyone- believe that everyone have a bit of good in them... even the bitchiest sorriest-excuse-for-a-human-being-alive. Nah not naive (OH PUH-LEEZE), just...oh well, there IS hope after all. Without hope, how does one get through life embracing the little wonders it brings? Not delusional, just optimistic =)

But I'm bored.

So I did the quiz again, this time modelling ALL the answers to wat I'll choose as my 2nd choice. & look at wat the results say: DARK ANGELIC
Hate the part abt probably leaning toward Satanic shit & stuff & the part abt liking Goth is sooo wrong man. Sexy ==> not = to Goth *shudder*

Nevertheless, find this pretty interesting. Bottom line: The world needs more people like me - Defender Protector & Caretaker who know wat life is REALLY abt haha!!!

Cheerios ppl. Have a great day tml while I'll be rejoicing another brand new day... the way I always know how *wink*
10:07 pm
darkangelic
I'll bet you expected this answer. You already knew
you were a DARK ANGELIC, didn't you? You
are similar to a demon but slightly different
in that you don't revel in evil...you revel in
pleasure. Your wings resemble an angel's but if
that's so then you are a Fallen Angel - your
love of sin caused you to be cast from the
Heavens. They are black as raven wings and are
nearly as dark as your desires. You are
faithless and love it - you believe there is no
Judgement Day to fear and so you can do what
you want! You have a refined concept of what is
sexy and a slightly chaotic sense of 'fun.' In
fact, you love chaos and view much of what you
do as a game. You are typically attracted to
those that will challenge your mind, power, and
wit...and are 'dangerous' people like you. It's
not unlikely that you are bisexual or at least
open to the concept, because you seek
excitement and passion everywhere and in
everyone. Chances are you have a special talent
for magick - you're a powerful being and you
know what you want. Like a Serpent of Eden you
like to try your powers of seduction and
manipulation, though your intent is rarely to
cause harm. You have a deep, dark sense of art
and/or poetry, because your mind is a deep,
dark place. While typically smirking, amused,
and sarcastic, you are capable of severe
revenge and a passion and intensity unrivaled
by any other. In your eyes life is for
enjoyment and pleasure - nothing else. If
you're not having fun in your own twisted way,
you're not happy. You are easily bored with the
vast majority of people. You are most likely
drawn towards the Gothic subculture and
probably adore Goth music, art, and style. Many
people look down on your seemingly careless
lifestyle and may even consider you 'slutty'.
Not true. You just know you're sexy and you're
damn proud of it. Dark Angels have an outlook
most like Satanists - loving sin and looking to
none but themselves for power. Congratulations!
You're my kindred spirit. As far as I'm
concerned - you know what life is REALLY about.
Have fun...Muahaha.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
9:47 pm
Angel
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.


*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
Tuesday, February 24, 2004 8:05 pm
3 new hamsters... actually 4 but there's one dead & grey lying amongst the torn up toilet paper roll... poor thing...

WHY IS THERE SO MUCH DEATH AROUND ME????
TWICE within 2 weeks liao... FUCK. God, please make sure that that poor little thing dont get borned to be a hamster again. Not worth it. Anyway, born liao still die, so it's prob a waste of time for it. Hopefully it's a doggie so someone'll NOTICE it & give it proper care & attention not like that bitch-of-a-mother it had... Ass...

That bitch partly responsible for killing her own, has given birth. Wonder if she'll eat ALL of them up. But no point separating all frm their ONLY supply of milk. In fact, it's stupid to. Oh well, if she REALLY swallows them up, that'll prove my point-- That she's COLD-BLOODED. Freaking bitch.

Mum found a new cage downstairs yesterday. Dun noe wat the F the previous owner did man... Super disgusting... I've to use metal ruler to chip off the hardened, white thingy frm the plastic base... Sickening people. How can their pets live in this kind of environment, really beats me.

Cruel pets, cruel people. Wat in the world is UP with this place man... Haiz~~
Friday, February 20, 2004 1:53 pm
I miss him............ My hamster I mean. Screw those other 2 COLDBLOODED creatures... They dont deserve to live... haiz... Anger dont resolve anything, do they? Sorry just bitching.

Wearing the cross now... The one Ernest got me? It's like... I dun noe man... pretty nonchalant abt it. Tired lately...

Martin, when r we meeting for mudpie & tiramisu? Missed hanging out w ya...

HIKARU!!! How've u been? Missed u so much grl... sorry I cant chat for long that day. Rushing the darn reports... Hope things r well w your bf/ex...

Xiao Mei! Whoa finally will see u again, ever since my bdae that day we haven been meeting up... Must be rushing your projects & discussions blah blah blah rite?...

F man I think I better get my work done. The perks of tuitioning kids? The rush of knowing u presented your "teachings" (Gawd... this kinda sentence structuring & I call myself an English Tutor...) well & eloquently w confidence... Weird... But that seems to be the only thing ard that's feeding my confidence level... Haha... What nonsense I'm talking abt... Anyway this entry's for all u out there who're as bored as me...

(& no, in case anyone of u think I"m depressed, I'm SOOO not =P
Dont take the CrYiNgDeviL shit seriously. It's just a nick. Chill yah. Then again I'm not gonna come up w some "ejoicingdevil"shit as well.)

Oh yah just watched a snippet of the bdae video footage... Just felt I look ugly. Pictures tell a thousand words, dont they? Maybe I'm this "ugly" when someone caught me unaware... How I hold myself...it's like... I dont know. I dont like that side of me... Perhaps this is wat Eugene mean (which aint mean I"m gonna take that MCP-jerk-egoistical-lousy-excuse-for-a-man seriously) Perhaps this is wat we both saw, him a few mths ago, me just a week ago. Bottom line is: I just dont love myself that much... perhaps that's y I don't bother myself w finding a guy? Sorry just bored. Thinking too far & too much abt being a bachelorette.

Ignore me.
Thursday, February 19, 2004 9:54 am
Feeling damn sad. If I've just put more postcards on the bottom of the cage, or sealed the opening of the 2nd floor "floor" (= 1st storey's "roof") NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!! I went out in the morning before meeting Jade, checked my hamsters & made sure the teeny one had a drink b4 I left the house.
So sad.. & I was thinking fo taking their individual photos on Sunday after their weekly bath... Now it's too late...

Woke this morning.... went to feed the teeny one water as usual... & it's not on the 2nd storey like it was supposed to be. Saw the small pile of postcards which it shifted... so looked down... only saw 2, cant find it... Until something brown, small, furry & STILL caught my eye. Almost vomitted... FUCKING HAMSTERS!!!!! Y DO U BOTH HAVE TO BE SO VIOLENT!?!?!?! He's your son & brother for God's sake!!!

It prob died in pain... grimacing & wincing & whining & as it made sounds, it attracted attention again... & was repeatedly attacked... It's so small that's why I segregate it frm the others...

I've forgotten the no of times I rinsed its wounds, red, swollen & bleeding from the attack(s) in the past. & how I ALWAYS washed it first (biased mayb but he's the puniest! & the cutest...)

FUCK... If I hadnt gone out last nite, none of this wd have happened. Celebrated my bdae w Ernest, movie, dinner & when I got home I was too tired to do anything. If only I'd known they're so deadly, I'd have separate them into DIFFERENT CAGES. & it prob died last nite... on my birthday... My cute little furry hamster, whom I'm too lz to give it a name.

Sick. I dont think I'll eat anything today... might as well. I'll just throw up. Ok, my sweet darling hamster, wherever u r right now, Hamtaro-Land or Heaven, take care ok?

I LOVE U.

FUCK FUCK FUCK why must it be like that...
Monday, February 16, 2004 10:32 am
He's not the One?

So many doubts, so many insecurities
I may not know wat I want in a man, but I know wat I dont want:

Someone who'll say one thing but do another
Who's not sure of himself
Not sure of wat he wants
Someone whose words r getting harder & harder to swallow
Someone who's... just not there

Someone who's afraid to love, to fall in love
Who's always on the lookout for that someone else out there
Who'll be perfect in his eyes
& make me feel inadequate, oh-so insecured & hurt
& take back my trust in him, in men... all of them

Someone so possessive I cant breathe
Who'll slowly make my life seep away
Make me wonder abt how "insensitive I can be"
Let it eat away my spiritedness
Until the day I gain courage & escape

In his eyes a bitch
But at least I'm free
Selfish?
But, remember, so is he......
Monday, February 09, 2004 1:49 am
BACK FRM CHALET!!! Okokok I noe I'm supposed to start on my reports & stuff but HELL!!! I'm still HIGH *woohoo*!!! Wat a rush =P

Ok Day 1 was spent entirely with family. F*** man, it was raining away. But wat TOTALLY sucked ULTRA BIG TIME was the swimming pool: now must walk so bloody far just to get a swim. Kaoz. Somemore I paniced, thot there's only one entrance via Aranda's main entrance, NOT NTUC anymore. F F F...

MJ, Mj & more MJ... BBQ food (damn freaking shiok man)... preparations for tml's food, drinks, deco... blah blah blah... then finally see JAM w the brownies. Shiok. Those two melted @ the sight of Rachael man... esp that M. He's a hit w the kids too apparently HAHA!!! Ernest didnt come that nite thou; impt family stuff need to be settled so he cant get away. Missed him, disappointed (frm wat I heard frm Ange, u'll noe y) but yeah I understand =) There goes that opportunity to chat. Oh well =)

Finally, morning came, along w BK breakfast & SWIMMING!!! JAM went blading & Ernest called to say he'll "be there early to spend some time alone w me b4 I'm swarmed by the others" *grin* That new sunscreen w chamomile extracts etc etc is sooo damn soothing. Nvr had a more relaxing tan man. Gawd it's like aromatherapy in the sun w the occasional cool breeze. All I need is a cold drink, a good book + shades. Heavenly bliss.

Ok evening's approaching & we're all rushig to get things done. All 3 r not there yet & the whole chalet's all done up w balloons, streamers. Sound system: check. Cake: check. Food: check... OH NO!!! POTATO SALAD!!! Heng they got back in time & they helped me BGL (bao ga liao) Thanks sweeties! *muack*

Gerard's 1st, then BJ & Dali... after tat everyone else just kept on swarming in. Poor Dali's all alone man... haf to put on makeup & entertain her. Plus have to entertain the others too man... Turns out q a no of ppl came. Let's add a few more names to the list:

SRJCians:
Caili, Baoyuan + Zong Zheng, Lilian, Shangying + Siang Ann, Claire + Vion, Liying, Dailin, Martin, Joycelyn, Hikaru + Jackson, Abel, Teng Hong, Hansen, John, Fadz + Farin, Zheng Hao......

NUS:
Marcus, Violet, Cheu Yan, Gavin, Ah Pooh, Weiling, Chewy, Teck, Ernest, Ange, Mel, Yising, Gerard, Nic, Kaizhao, Chew, Ah Seow, Tiko, BJ, Anli, Rachel, Joslyn, Aik Ming, Weisoon, Zhiyang, Brenda......

Miscellanous:
Sharon, Kelvin, Zhiyong, ChoonKiat, Liting + Ken, Dali, Joanna, Liling, Nicholas (Kor), Andrew......

59 frens!!! Kaoz no wonder lah! So crowded! & there I was wondering if they'll come =P THANKS for coming everyone!!!

Moments to remember:
Mummy & Daddy helping with EVERYTHING, from pre to post party.
Joanna, Liling, Sharon, Kelvin & Zhiyong BBQing for everyone *bless them*
JAM helping with the food preparations
Er-Jiu Mu helping with all the deco
EVERYONE singing "HAPPY BDAY" for me *so touched I cried*
Poledancing ard Teck *hahaha!!!*
Perfect weather!!! *shdnt take weather for granted man*
Watever happened on early Sunday morning =P *secret*
Wednesday, February 04, 2004 8:27 pm
Reading this makes me feel SOOO NOT READY. But yah that part abt "You'd be surprised, you just might be "t he one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."... sounds so fantasy-like. Sounds like Serendipity. Oh well, it does have a certain appeal to it I guess.

Really like this. & yah, I'll search for my "one who wdnt have gotten away", the minute I'm ready =P

The One Who Got Away

In your life, you'll take note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something.
There's the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you're with...and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it's that person with whom everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault of the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn't
fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.
It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you're not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn't matter who you're with, it just doesn't work. Small problems become big; inconsequentials become dealbreakers simply because you're not ready and it shows. It's not that you and the person you're with are no good; it's just that it's not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you're ready. You really are. And when this happens you'll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but
it'll work because you're ready. It'll work because it's the right time and you'll make it work. And it'll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you're finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you have
become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there's no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you're single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn't matter. All you know is that you've changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You'll think about them because you'll wonder, "What if they were here today?" You'll wonder, "What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?" That's what the one that got away is. The biggest "What if?" you'll have in your life.

If you're married, you'll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you're mature enough to realize that you're already with the one you're with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you'll think about him/her every so often but it's alright. It's never nice to live with a "might have been," but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who's already married. In which case it's the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future
when you're old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it's different. What do you do if it's not yet too late? Simple...find him, find her. Because the very existence of a "one that got away" means that you'll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn't matter if you've dropped in from out of nowhere. You'd be surprised, you just might be "the one that got away" as well for the person who is your "the one that got away."

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won't make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it'll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I'm thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, "Hey you, you're the one that almost got away."
2:16 am
Saw our photo again, the 2 taken on the day we got together.
Somehow, seems like I'm looking at 2 strangers.
Hugging each other so tightly, seeming to never wanna let go.
Both seem so blissful, in 7th heaven.
The guy, smiling & holding onto his grl, protecting her.
The grl, smiling, arms ard her protector, the guy she loves... loved.

Kinda hard to believe it's all over & they're 2 strangers now. But somehow, that's just a shadow of my past... A past best left untouched, alone to gather dust, until it gets buried. & stay buried.

& I'm hell not gonna let it bother me. I've moved on =)
*phew* feels good to be free......
Monday, February 02, 2004 5:00 pm
Hey sweetie (U noe who u are),

There's no point in regret ok? Move on, like me. Nobody wants this to happen, all we can hope for is that it doesnt happen AGAIN... & I think it wont cos U wont allow it.
Then again, ppl say it's ok to regret. This way U learn your lesson. I hope u find peace in watever choice u decide on. The thing is, stop beating yourself over it. It's over.

Have faith in yourself & hold on to your values & morales. They may not seem to be all that "right" (f*ck cares who defines them as being right anyway) but hey, they'll at least protect u (@ least that's wat mine did) until the time when u feel strong enuff to make your own stand abt certain issues.

Shit happens to all of us. No matter wat degree of seriousness this is, wat counts is the aftermath: how it affects u & how u deal with it. Nonchalance will only tide u over this far. It's easy to hold a strong front... but u'll crack one day. Trust me man... been there, done that. Not pretty. Haiz.

& the most beautiful thing abt this is that U present your broken self to God. It may seem like everyone, who converted to Christianity cos some shit happened, r taking Him for granted, using Him. But hey, that's the beauty of it (presenting your broken self to God I mean), so I'm told. & u noe, sometimes, it's only at your most melancholic moments that great things happen: U composing that tune =) & being able to FINALLY see the picture. In that, u're already "growing". Issnt this that "something good" u're talking abt? U'll definitely see more grt stuff - Just "open" your eyes & pay a little more attention to the details. God has prob given u an ans: U just have to seek it out. Seek & U'll find. Sounds familiar? =)

Just my 2cents worth aft reading ur blog. Also U seem disturbed when we met up yesterday... esp at the playground. Last words: identify wat u want & go for it. If what u're doing now is not wat u want in the long term, stop it now. Before u get hurt... any further. It's just not worth it when there's no hope of that thing (u noe wat I mean) developing.

I'm done here. Chill yah. Love u.

3:09 pm
Possible or not?

Love without implications?

10 year age gaps in relationships?

Sex without implications for both?

Just "pure physical intimacy frm someone" & no other implications?
Sunday, February 01, 2004 4:02 pm
Life sucks. I mean REALLY REALLY... it's so hard to be optimistic abt life. God... haiz.... I dun even noe wat to tell u man. U noe how I feel abt things, without me even telling u I noe, how confused I am abt matters now, esp those regarding Xiao Mei & Ernest. Heck Ernest lah, God, just give my xiao mei some direction pls? Send her a few angels down her way & make her see that things will definitely come her way . I noe U prob wont make it easy for her & she'll have to learn stuff along the way. But still... go easy on her please? On my behalf okie? heehee... haiz

Shit. Been crying these few days. So tired.

Party's next week. & I'm not exactly looking forward to it. It seems like a day when I'll just throw a party for everyone to enjoy & I myself wont enjoy it. Haiz... mayb I"m just getting weirder & weirder by the minute. Shit, I prob need a shrink. Hikaru, hand me the no. of your psychatrist can? Kidding.... haha... hell wat am I laughing for? It's not even funny.
One of my angels just handled a breakup pretty well. Sounds familiar, then again, my mind seems to have conveniently forgotten wat happened in my past relationships. Watever.

Mayb I shd go lost my mind in my Organic Chem.