Prayed to God for the 1st time last nite... Asked Him to come into my life... Asked Him to show me guidance... Asked Him to watch over JAM, asked that the matter between E & I will resolve itself or rather, He can show me the way to find the answer.

E's an acquaintance now, not even a fren. Feeling "sayang" that things r like this... Can't be helped I guess... Guess God brought me together w him so I can learn to be more aware, to be more sensitive to ppl... Too bad, there's nothing that bear fruit. E ended it so soon, way before anything can even be done.

1st day of school sucks... REALLY sucks... Cried cos Hikaru's leaving sch... Cried when talking to Ju abt E... I've always known that there's another side to Ju, only that she doesn't show it to ppl. The side less strong, more emotional, more vulnerable. A side that is seen by Adrian, heard only by us. I see snippets of myself in her: me when I was going thru my 1st relationship.

Jade's prodding me in the direction of Ernest. I dont noe wat I want yet (does Ernest know wat he wants?) Feeling selfish suddenly [am I being selfish if I say "let's not ponder too much over it"?] I noe it just feels damn good to be held by him, dancing in the breeze, surrounded by live jazz music. & I noe I'll feel that way w Ernest & he feels the same way, even more so than me. He's special... but I dont wanna find out how special. Jus like how he's confused with what to make of us NOW. Was worried that things r more complicated after that Sunday. Ended our talk on the topic by concluding that everything's great if we just leave it the way it is now, but if we're gonna see if there's more to it than a fling, we're gonna have to test waters & proceed DAMN SLOWLY. Damn friggin' slowly... but wait, shd we EVEN proceed at all???
How fair is this to the both of us? Then again, wat's fair in this world?